Because I'm not cool

It turns out ugly sometimes to think about the genial actually the people I admire are, I don't say it for the cool way of speaking, I'm saying really intelligent people. I've met quite a lot from many countries, and every one of them have their speciality, for this can be approved (or not) by society. But still I keep thinging abour it and I realize I'm not precisely from any area.

I thought and I persevered in artistic fields like drawing or recording or even "art" appreciation whatever that is. I think that "appreciation" can go inside those too. I sometimes feel frustrated by using the strictly necessary words to say something.
I mean it, I do it all the time so people think it's nice to be with me, but my actions are smaller than my words. They say an action worth a thousand words, I doubt it. Like any word can describe our emotions, our action also betray us. Some times even the mind of someone we believe "Integre" finds himself fractur0ed beyond repair.
 
All those pieces throwing themselves to the horizont like dancing leaves. I think we constantly live trying to fix all the pieces of our "being", and we can only die if we are complete. I guess this is what's called an "existencial crisis", is when someone only realizes this. So on, he can pick between two paths, the lamentation path, which is more introspective and slow. Or he can pick to the career path. which is for people that want to do as many things as possible to try to forget the problems. So they don't let them cure properly and they never let them see the sunlight. They only make them a nasty, smelly , smoking infected pustula. 

How do you call this second in the morning when you have to remember everything you've done in your life and the reasons why you really exist. The brain does it like a routinary exercise independently from the hour in which you wake up. I realized that afte some days trying, also to keep my brain entertained. It's not like I have a lot of people to talk about those thinkings when Mariel (my girlfriend) isn't home.

Let's come  back to te main theme I think I won't be even close as half of cool as the people I admire, most of the time they have this inteligence level that makes me jealous, but that path is also flooded with nasty fellings: The lonelyness.

The lonelyness is as sickness that is so underrated, it's dangerous. At least perfectly apllied can mean a possible risk of making a pariah. Or in deficit a being uncappable of vivig in society like a "normal" human being. I put "normal" like this because it's really hard by the people I've known and the things I've seen to find really something "normal". And yes, people we're a planet filled with anormal people. There's no such thing as a norm, we should have realized by now the stupid and ephemere the condition of human being.

Well, I think that's all.

G.L.